MODULE 5B
Unrealistic Expectations
Marriage is a beautiful union between a man and a woman, often entered with dreams and aspirations. From childhood, many people form perceptions of marriage as a flawless relationship with a compassionate, caring, wealthy, and perfect spouse—largely shaped by movies, culture, and observation.
Unfortunately, reality often differs significantly from these portrayals. When expectations become fantasies and remain unmet, they frequently lead to conflict, resentment, and disappointment within the marriage.
Many unhappy marriages today are driven by frustration, anger, and contempt—often rooted in unrealistic expectations shaped by society, culture, and comparison.
Couples sometimes measure their marriages against what others publicly display, failing to realise that marriage is a union between two individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, beliefs, and life experiences. Because of these differences, agreement at all times is neither realistic nor necessary.
Many relationships suffer because one partner attempts to mould the other into an ideal version shaped by personal expectations. Men and women often prioritise different concerns—while one may focus on romance and emotional connection, the other may be preoccupied with financial stability or career growth.
Factors That Fuel Unrealistic Expectations
- Cultural Background: Differing cultural beliefs about gender roles and authority in marriage
- Societal Norms: Media portrayals of marriage as effortless and problem-free
- Upbringing: Childhood exposure to peaceful or violent homes shaping marital perception
- Social Media: Filtered images of “perfect” marriages creating unhealthy comparisons
Cultural expectations may pressure women to depend solely on their husbands or compel men to restrict their wives’ ambitions. These imbalances can breed resentment, suppress potential, and lead to constant conflict.
Similarly, societal ideals and digital platforms often glamorise marriage, hiding the sacrifices and effort required to build a lasting union. When challenges arise, couples who believe marriage should be effortless may struggle to cope.
Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage
God’s principles provide a realistic framework for marriage. Understanding that imperfection is part of human nature makes it easier to release unrealistic expectations and work through challenges together.
Personal Happiness: Your spouse should contribute to your happiness, not define it. Emotional independence strengthens self-worth and prevents disappointment rooted in over-dependence.
Avoid Unrealistic Rules: Imposing rigid, controlling rules creates tension. Replace impossible expectations with practical, mutually agreed boundaries.
Reduce Negative Thoughts: Your mindset shapes your experience. Focusing on gratitude, growth, and positive actions helps nurture peace and emotional stability in marriage.
Communication: Open and honest communication is essential. Your spouse cannot read your mind—express your feelings clearly to prevent misunderstanding and resentment.
Expectations are not wrong, but unrealistic expectations breed conflict. Marriage thrives when couples embrace differences, communicate openly, compromise willingly, and address challenges at their roots.
God created each individual uniquely, and that diversity is the beauty of marriage. When expectations fall short, choose communication over conflict and understanding over resentment. By addressing unrealistic expectations, couples can build a resilient, peaceful, and fulfilling union.